who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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