The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
