Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
