My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
