Fuck appropriateness.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
