He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
