was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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