It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
