Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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