I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize