i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
