im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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