So gin and wine won't be happening again
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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