But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she told me i tasted like america
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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