if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
