i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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