did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
