The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
