We won't sleep together?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
