I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
