There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
