You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wear drunk well.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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