literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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