i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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