My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
