id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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