And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
