Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
