its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just googled if crying burns calories
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
