Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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