So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
