You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
