getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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