So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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