Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
