She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
