im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
