when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There r osticjed everywhere
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
