he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
