He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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