He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Randomize
