So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
