...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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