she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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