It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We had sex on a dog bed..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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