Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
