dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
