aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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