You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
