Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
